Hello...it's me...something something something...
ADELE'S BACK!!!
Anyway, hey!
I've come to what I hope and believe is a peak in my frustrations. I was approved for a first time homebuyers program and started house shopping when I realized I've had it up to the proverbial "here" with my place of employment. So reluctantly, I put my house hunting on hold because a sista has got.to.go. Also, I don't have the funds to pay for health insurance so the only thing saving me right now is my praying grandmother, my love for water and vitamin C filled juices and the blessings I receive when visiting my local Chik-fil-a's (which I heard I may not be able to do as often or ever again, but I'll get to that another time.) And then, my rent is going up about $75 a month so...there's that...and my car radio died in the middle of Atlanta traffic. But I won't complain about that because my whole vehicle could've just given out but it didn't and my Beats Pill speakers have been more of a blessing than I expected.
I didn't come here to complain, I just thought I'd update folks.
These frustrations did do something for me, though. I finally got the push I needed to stop wishing I was doing something and actually do it, at all costs. AND I DO MEAN COSTS, cuz she's broke. Anyway, I'm back in dance class at least twice a week, sometimes three times. I've allotted more time for me to give back like I want and I'm planning on growing that into something a little bigger in a few months and hopefully something bigger even after that. I've even been on a few dates. Started painting. Stopped skipping wash day and even consistently comb my hair while I'm washing it in the shower. Allowing more time for myself and what makes me happy and what makes the next task flow a little smoother has done just enough good for me.
Near the middle of November/beginning of December, I started to feel myself sliding into a deep rut so to speak. I began to feel like the ground was opening up and I was sliding into a giant hole and couldn't get the right footing to step out of it. Kind of like quicksand, I guess. I did my Googles and found that what I had been experiencing was very similar to something called SAD. SAD is basically what it says lol. The acronym stands for Seasonal Affective Disorder, this type of depression is very common in places like Alaska where it can be dark for months and months at a time and affect people around the same time every year. I've always considered myself a solar powered person. Like...I get up as early as possible just to open the blinds. But I thought it was just because I love sunshine...but apparently there's a little more to it. Turns out folks diagnosed with SAD either show signs of insomnia and can't get to sleep or sleep incessantly (I learned that word from Mariah Carey), which I've experienced, bouts of anxiety which I've experienced (Which was a bit of a flag because I'm farrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr from anxious. Most things aren't that big of a deal to me.) and weight gain which happens to me every year around this time, you'd think it's because of all the holiday food but...I eat like every day's a holiday all year. Some studies show that there's an increase in food loaded in carbs because they are comforting...they also make you gain all the L-B's...I can never wear my summer clothes by mid fall. EVERY YEAR!! IT'S CRAZY!!
Anywho, I said all of that to say (there was a point this whole time, and you had no idea. A-HA!) that sometimes if you feel yourself getting stuck in a rut, it's important to talk to someone that cares about you and what you're feeling and won't just dismiss you. Do a little digging to keep from drowning. Again, I don't have insurance *rolls eyes* so I'm only going off of my Google analysis, but I do plan on trying to get with someone sooner rather than later just to make sure. In the mean time, I have been trying to do things that will help me feel back at 100. Like taking dance classes and volunteering my time and if I have it, a few funds to those that need it. And so far, so good. I'm happy and taking a little more time than usual to take care of what's necessary for ME. It's ok to be a little selfish sometimes. In closing, y'all enjoy everything positive in your life and expect more thangs to come you're way!!
dig and be dug...
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