Crazy Hair Day

As someone who chooses to wear their natural hair, there are things that I things that I've always loved, things that I learned to love and things that I'm still learning, in general. I have learned how to twist my hair out and up and over, disguise perm rods under a cute hat and cocktail my oils and butters, etc. so my curl pattern can truly flourish...outchea. I. AM. OUTCHEA.

However, this ol' job o'mine...I (again) work with children and this calls for me to participate in different themed activities. For example, crazy sock day, pajama day, Dr. Seuss day and worst of all, to me, crazy hair day.

This day is the worst day of all the days at my job. I'd rather have a surprise visit from the state. This day is worse than the day that 7 children, most of them infants, had a major stomach bug. All of their cups runneth over. And still, I'd rather have that then crazy damn hair day.

As someone who prefers protective styles to straight hair and weaves, my hair is often in a fro of some sort. Big Black ass fro. So when it comes to crazy hair day, I'm very particular about how I style my hair. I try not to wear it out in it's natural state, because I don't want these parents or children thinking that my NATURAL hair is crazy. I always try to put some extra ribbons and bows or glitter and color in my hair so they know that this look is "crazy". Not my fro or my curls. I go out of my way to make sure to show the clear separation between crazy hair day and my hair in its natural state.

For example, this past crazy hair day, my hair was already in a twist out. Because I was also prepping for wash day, I put some oil in my hair and on my scalp and ran my fingers through it, which in turn made my fro reach a little bit closer to heaven. I threw some twists in the front and pulled some mismatched ribbons through them and reluctantly went to work. The next day, I was still prepping for wash day because lazy I was tired and didn't get to wash my hair after work that night, I pulled my hair up into a curly puff. Edges laid and everything. I'm working at my desk and the owner of the school comes in the same area to place his keys in the drawer. I can feel him looking at me, so I turn in his direction. He says, "I thought crazy hair day was yesterday," as he lets out a chuckle. I simultaneously turn back to my computer and mumble just loud enough to hear, "my hair is not crazy..."

At that moment I honestly felt a combination of annoyance, aggravation, frustration, hurt, a touch of anger and a little bit of "I knew that shit was gonna happen" sprinkled on top.

Women in general are forced to maintain a look that society deems acceptable at all times. Black women ESPECIALLY are penalized for not accepting and portraying what society wants them to look like. Even to the point where we can't look at each other or ourselves without wondering "why'd she come out the house like that?" with her hair coming out of her scalp the way God intended. If you still don't see the issue, riddle me this; why is it ok for women with straight hair or loose curls to get in the shower without a beloved shower cap, get dressed and go about her day. Her hair never seeing a brush, comb, blow dryer or curling iron, meanwhile women of African descent have to wake up 3 hours early just to arrive late because of their hair? And then, in turn when they get a style that makes their hair more "manageable" they are accused of appropriation by all on looking parties.

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

The natural hair movement, shouldn't be a movement. It shouldn't be such a shock when we wear our hair they way it was created at our inception. It just is because we as Black women, constantly have to prove that that the person we are, in our most pure state of self is acceptable. Our hips, lips, curls, kinks, braids, asses and even our complexion have proven anesthesia and dangerous chemical worthy for everyone but us, the people born with these traits. The people who were once paraded around the country and abroad and locked up in zoos and cages for being born with what was perceived as unusual traits, now look on as women who were born with lips that once were barely wider than a sheet of paper and hips that would allow her to easily fit into a ziploc bag are praised for their beauty.

It's astonishing.

I still love my fro. It's soft and enormous and versatile. My heart smiles every time a little girl can relate to my hair and asks her mommy to do her hair like mine. And if I'm making a bold statement by walking around with my hair shaped like the sun, then so be it. I'd prefer it that way any day of the week. And crazy hair day can always kiss my ass, from now until forever.

...dig and be dug...

I Wasn't Raised That Way...

With the series finale of American Idol fresh on the minds of all die-hard fans as well as those of us who stopped watching post Fantasia an'nem, comments from anyone involved with the series have the ability to make headlines.

Especially when it comes to the LGBTQ community.

Since her audition in Little Rock, La'Porsha Renee has garnered a following that has captured people across generations and ethnic backgrounds. The 22-year-old McComb, MS native arrived to her American Idol Audition with her beautiful baby on her hip. After blowing the judges away with her rendition of Creep by Radiohead and enduring a few elimination rounds, we learned that La'Porsha was also a divorcee and survivor of an abusive relationship.

All of that being said, La'Porsha made a comment that made heads roll and drop in disappointment simultaneously. Soon after earning the title of first runner up, she was interviewed and asked about the new law put into place in her home state. A law that would allow businesses to turn down anyone that identifies with being a part of the LGBTQ community. Her response was:

 “This is how I feel about the LGBT community: They are people just like us. They’re not animals as someone stated before. They’re people with feelings. Although all of us may not agree with that particular lifestyle for religious reasons, whatever the reason is, you still treat each other with respect. Everybody is a human being. We should be able to coexist with one another. I am one of the people who don’t really agree with that lifestyle. I wasn’t brought up that way. It wasn’t how I was raised. But I do have a lot of friends and a lot of people that I love dearly who are gay and homosexual and they’re such sweet, nice people. We should just respect each other’s differences and opinions and move on.”

In my opinion, La'Porsha sounds like a young woman, still extremely wet behind the ear and inexperienced overall, but especially with dealing with media. She seems to have meant well, but didn't end up exactly hitting the target. Deeeefinitely missed. At the very least she could have simply stuck with "we should respect each other." And then maybe say nothing else. I don't know, but not much of the other statement seems very necessary. 

Do understand, that one of the last places I can imagine people being understanding of people they don't understand in the deep south. And this is no shade to the south, but being that Mississippi didn't officially abolish slavery until February 2013 after the 13th amendment was adopted in 1865, some things may be slow to come to pass. 

Although she's already a mother and has been married and in the midst of a divorce, she doesn't seem to be very worldly, meaning she doesn't seem to have much experience dealing with people and ideologies outside of her hometown and what she's learned thus far from her mother. I'm not surprised.

This is not to make excuses for her or change anyone's opinions of what she said. I was just raised by a woman who made it a habit to ask me "what the hell are you thinking" whenever I did or said something she couldn't understand; as to help her, help me. So, I'm venturing to do the same thing. La'Porsha has now been thrust into the spotlight and I'm sure she's dreamed of this moment since she recognized she possessed this beautiful gift, but she forgot to dream of the realities that come with it. Though I'm sure she has no malice in her heart and had no intentions of making anyone feel ostracized or less than human, she should realize that it's time to grow up. Not being raised to think a certain way is one thing when you are a child. It's another thing when you are an adult who has the entire world at their fingertips and the opportunity to literally learn something new every day. It's a hard lesson to learn when you're so fresh out of the gate that your signature is still wet on the Motown contract you've just signed, but here we are. 

...dig and be dug...

Twenty-GREAT

I'm officially less than 2.5 hours away from having 28 years of the goodness we call life under my belt and here I am...blogging and doing laundry. Honestly, I'm reallyyyyy good with that. REALLY. Something about this birthday called for solitude and I've decided to gift myself plenty of it this year. I'll spend some time with some friends but a lot of my time will be spent with me. That being said, I'm sure a few people think I've caught an attitude but I've really just caught sinusitis and still only missed 3 hours of work so I could not be high off promethazine when I got there. And I just want to be alone. I'm finally in a place where I feel like I have options and not blatantly frustrated with my progress or lack there of. I feel like I'm always searching for peace in a storm or, the silver lining on a dark cloud, or the sun itself and I think I can finally see and feel all three. I'm proud of myself for finding the joy in the pain. And meaning it. Cliche? Maybe. True? Definitely.

Peace is a gift. Happy birthday to me!!

...dig and be dug...

2016

*Insert typical New Year's Blog*

Just be nice and read it, it's short.
I promise.
You might like it.
Please.
Oh you're still here?
Great!


So I've never been a "New Year, New Me" type of person but I do try my best to make my next move my best move. Last year I did a lot of self building. I'm more confident in myself, not all the way there but better than I was before. I'm willing to share a little more and willing to ask for a little more help. A little. This year, I'm "re-baptising" myself in the hustle, so to speak. I'm more focused on my career in the long term and my personal life. I made myself come out of my homebody habit a few times and every time I did, it was beneficial.

I made my to do list, weighed my pros and cons, holla'd Jesus right quick and I'm feeling a sense of readiness that I don't recall starting last year with. I KNOW that I was just ready for 2014 to be over because that joint kicked my in-tie ass.

That being said, God bless 2016 in advance. Mine and yours, yo mam's and yo cousin's too.

Let's get it

dig and be dug...

So...And Then...

So...
I work in childcare (for now) and we basically have or host nondenominational holidays or no holiday at all, unless of course, the holiday is a part of our director's heritage (which is something I LITERALLY just realized...and now I'm pissed...anyway). For the Holiday season which overflows with religious holidays, I wrote an extremely nonreligious play/nursery rhyme. I created costumes, cast children as characters that I felt would best fit them, etc. I went as far as my creative mind would take me with a budget of $0.

Soo...
One of my coworkers does face painting and make-up for different events and a pretty big scale. I mean, big enough to travel and such. Anyway, she's the resident make-up artist and so I asked her to lend a hand. That being said, I cast multi-cultural actors in the play and so the snow bunny was Black, Frosty the Snowman was Asian and the gingerbread friends were White...

SOOO...
Blackface, right? Your opinion might be "they were little girls dressed as gingerbread people and they were White so they had to be browwwwwwwn." So you should get your own blog and write about that over yonder I don't agree. When Miley Cyrus dressed as Lil' Kim for Halloween she was White with a costume on. No one mistook her for a Muppet or glittery prostitute. We ALL knew she was Kim. See where I'm going with this?
 


SOOOO...
The rest of the day I was uncomfortable. I didn't see the make-up until it was almost time to perform so it was too late to call it off. Now I sound like I'm punking out, and part of me felt like I did, but here we are. I waited until end of day, after I clocked out just in case I couldn't avoid the turn up. I pulled the young lady to the side while we were outside and calmly explained to her that a few people including myself were FIRST not upset because we did not think her make-up was done with ill intent or malice but we were offended because it was very reminiscent of blackface. Her first response was "ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME?!"

SOOOOO...
Mentally, I've checked the surrounding area for children that might be in the way, thought about the fact that there aren't any cameras outside so it would be my word against hers and where the main pressure points were on the human body. verbally, I responded with "No, I'm not." We went back and forth for a quick 3 minutes before we both excused ourselves from the conversation before a lukewarm situation got too hot.

And then...
Long story short, over the weekend, the young lady had a chance to speak with her Black BFF and get my side of the issue and we had a chance to converse a little more in depth the following Monday. Anyway, I told this story not to shame anyone or expose whiteness or whatever. ESPECIALLY because we see it everyday. I decided to blog about this because, though blackface may not be a recurring everyday issue, Black people being offended by someone and that person being offended by our feeling that way IS an everyday recurring issue. Whether it be blackface or police brutality, excessive force or the exemption of Black suffrage at the hands of lazy people who couldn't farm their own land and build their own country terrorists America's founders. EVERYDAY on a much larger, much more painful scale, Black pain is dismissed and covered in pictures of #newBenCarson. I wasn't pissed that this young lady had the audacity to be upset because she's an artist. And artists are sensitive about their shit. I was pissed because she heard me say that I was offended and got mad at me being offended.

Hell of an argument to have in a "post-racial society". This is America, not utopia. Don't get to fooling yourselves. There's work to do.

dig and be dug...

Bromance

I'll keep this one short for now...

Recently a coworker of mine admitted during lunch that she and former coworker had conversations about me over the weekend. They discussed what could possibly be wrong with me for me to be single. I was complimented on my looks and my efficiency and even temper and they just couldn't figure it out.


The only thing I could come up with is...people get on my nerves.


I know I know, folks will always get on your nerves for as long as you roam this earth, so get over it and pick someone, but...ugh. Settling's never been my thing. The word itself, makes me cringe.
I explained to her that I ALWAYS meet guys in these really romantic scenarios that would be really cute to tell our great grandchildren 60-70 years from now as we gaze into each other's glaucoma, and then...it all goes to hell. Straight. To. Hell. I don't know why when I'm turned off by someone, it's so abrupt and irreversible, but it is. And I like me, so I'm not changing that part of who I am. I always try to be friends with whoever it is after the fact until we have to start reminiscing and then I don't wanna play that game anymore. Not going to say that it's never my fault, but again, who likes beating a dead horse. Let it go.

But I'm open to what comes and where it goes. Here's to hoping for the best and never settling. Find someone who runs with you. Shout out to all the lovers and friends...

dig and be dug...

God Bless the Sunshine...

Hello...it's me...something something something...

ADELE'S BACK!!!

Anyway, hey!
I've come to what I hope and believe is a peak in my frustrations. I was approved for a first time homebuyers program and started house shopping when I realized I've had it up to the proverbial "here" with my place of employment. So reluctantly, I put my house hunting on hold because a sista has got.to.go. Also, I don't have the funds to pay for health insurance so the only thing saving me right now is my praying grandmother, my love for water and vitamin C filled juices and the blessings I receive when visiting my local Chik-fil-a's (which I heard I may not be able to do as often or ever again, but I'll get to that another time.) And then, my rent is going up about $75 a month so...there's that...and my car radio died in the middle of Atlanta traffic. But I won't complain about that because my whole vehicle could've just given out but it didn't and my Beats Pill speakers have been more of a blessing than I expected.

I didn't come here to complain, I just thought I'd update folks.

These frustrations did do something for me, though. I finally got the push I needed to stop wishing I was doing something and actually do it, at all costs. AND I DO MEAN COSTS, cuz she's broke. Anyway, I'm back in dance class at least twice a week, sometimes three times. I've allotted more time for me to give back like I want and I'm planning on growing that into something a little bigger in a few months and hopefully something bigger even after that. I've even been on a few dates. Started painting. Stopped skipping wash day and even consistently comb my hair while I'm washing it in the shower. Allowing more time for myself and what makes me happy and what makes the next task flow a little smoother has done just enough good for me.

Near the middle of November/beginning of December, I started to feel myself sliding into a deep rut so to speak. I began to feel like the ground was opening up and I was sliding into a giant hole and couldn't get the right footing to step out of it. Kind of like quicksand, I guess. I did my Googles and found that what I had been experiencing was very similar to something called SAD. SAD is basically what it says lol. The acronym stands for Seasonal Affective Disorder, this type of depression is very common in places like Alaska where it can be dark for months and months at a time and affect people around the same time every year. I've always considered myself a solar powered person. Like...I get up as early as possible just to open the blinds. But I thought it was just because I love sunshine...but apparently there's a little more to it. Turns out folks diagnosed with SAD either show signs of insomnia and can't get to sleep or sleep incessantly (I learned that word from Mariah Carey), which I've experienced, bouts of anxiety which I've experienced (Which was a bit of a flag because I'm farrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr from anxious. Most things aren't that big of a deal to me.) and weight gain which happens to me every year around this time, you'd think it's because of all the holiday food but...I eat like every day's a holiday all year. Some studies show that there's an increase in food loaded in carbs because they are comforting...they also make you gain all the L-B's...I can never wear my summer clothes by mid fall. EVERY YEAR!! IT'S CRAZY!!

Anywho, I said all of that to say (there was a point this whole time, and you had no idea. A-HA!) that sometimes if you feel yourself getting stuck in a rut, it's important to talk to someone that cares about you and what you're feeling and won't just dismiss you. Do a little digging to keep from drowning. Again, I don't have insurance *rolls eyes* so I'm only going off of my Google analysis, but I do plan on trying to get with someone sooner rather than later just to make sure. In the mean time, I have been trying to do things that will help me feel back at 100. Like taking dance classes and volunteering my time and if I have it, a few funds to those that need it. And so far, so good. I'm happy and taking a little more time than usual to take care of what's necessary for ME. It's ok to be a little selfish sometimes. In closing, y'all enjoy everything positive in your life and expect more thangs to come you're way!!

dig and be dug...